SURROUNDING YOURSELF WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE – Part 1

GETTING STARTED:

Show me your friends, and I will show you your future.  These words are true and must be considered on your journey through life. No one is immune to broken relationships.  But knowing how to handle relational issues empowers a person to take the steps needed to keep moving forward in life. At various times in our lives, God brings people who guide us through the different seasons of our journey.  They are called vertical relationships. They include our parents, teachers, guides, mentors, instructors, and coaches. On the other side of the vertical continuum are those that God brings to us so we can lead and help them drive through life’s dangerous waters. Horizontal relationships consist of those people who walk alongside us. These people include our spouses, friends, companions, buddies, mates, pals, and associates.  They are the CHEERLEADERS. On the other side of the horizontal continuum are those that Satan sends into our lives to disrupt and destroy us.  They are CORRUPTORS.

ONE BIG IDEA!

YOU BECOME LIKE THOSE WHO SURROUND YOU.

STUDY:

PROVERBS 18:24 – “There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.” (NLT)

LEARN:

Proverbs 18:24 clearly tells us that there are two kinds of friends – those who destroy and those who encourage. What kind of friends do you have?

CORRUPTORS are friends who corrupt and destroy you.  Corrupt means “to taint, to stain, to mar, to spoil, or cause to decay.”  Everyone has had CORRUPTORS in their lives at one time or another.  Although they walk alongside you, they have their own agenda and don’t really have your best interests in mind. They say nice things about you in front of you but they talk against you at your back. At any given time, you are walking with people who add to you or people who take from you.  It is vital to remember that your friends will either STRETCH or STUNT your growth.

Proverbs 13:20 – “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble (NLT).”  In other words, when you associate with productive people, your life will blossom.  Walk with wise people, and you will become wise.  On the other hand, hang out with time wasters or manipulators and soon your life will be less than successful and even destroyed. Stay with drug addicts or drunkards and one day you’ll be destroying your own life. Again, the Bible doesn’t say that a fool who associates with fools will be destroyed, but ANYONE who associates with them will be destroyed.

A fool who decides to change his companions and begins to associate with the wise people become wise (Psalm 1:1-3).  In short, you become like those who surround you. Take a good mango and put it in a bucket full of rotten ones. What happens? It rots. Now take a bad mango and place it in a bucket full of good ones.  The bad mango spoils the bucket full of good mangoes. Associating with corruptors will spoil you. These people will stain, infect, mar, spoil, or cause you to compromise your values and even your faith. Think of people who are currently part of your life who do not bring out the best in you.  They limit your potential rather than lift you up and encourage you to reach your goals and enjoy all that God has for you.

Proverbs 22:24-25 – “²⁴ Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, ²⁵ or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul (NLT).”  All of us have fallen into the temptation of thinking that we can somehow influence a close friend to change. The Bible doesn’t say that they will learn to be like you.  On the contrary, you will eventually follow them down the path to destruction. Here is what apostle Paul put it in 1 Corinthians 15:33, “Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for “bad company corrupts good character.”” Negative associations are CONTAGIOUS. Good rarely influences evil.  But evil always influences good. When friendships don’t add to your journey, they have become too expensive for you to maintain. When friendships or associations don’t add substance, credibility, and growth into your life, investing additional time and energy into those relationships becomes far too costly. Those friends who could not INCREASE me would inevitably DECREASE me. Every relationship is like a current that moves you toward your God-given assignment or away from it. Real friends are not “YES” men or women who tiptoe around you, sugarcoating your behavior, and singing your praises regardless of your conduct. Godly relationships propel you toward your divine destiny.

CHEERLEADERS refer to an enthusiastic and vocal supporter – someone whose primary function is to encourage you; to tell you that “YOU CAN DO IT!”  Cheerleaders are the ones described in Proverbs 17:17, “A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need (NLT).”

THREE CHARACTERISTICS OF CHEERLEADERS:

CHEERLEADERS CELEBRATE YOUR STRENGTHS (Proverbs 27:17)

Iron sharpening iron indicates a picture of equal contribution.  One piece of iron is not necessarily better than the other.  Cheerleaders are not coaches. They are not in your life to teach you, train you, instruct you, or guide you.  They are there to sharpen and encourage you to better yourself.  They notice when you are down and don’t stay quiet when you need encouragement.  They remind you of God’s hand on your life and cause faith to rise within you. Cheerleaders are encouragers.

CHEERLEADERS COVER YOUR WEAKNESSES (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

When a basketball team is losing a game, the Cheerleading squad does not change its song or chant.  They don’t say, “You bunch of losers! You can’t even shoot and score.  Shame on you!”  On the contrary, the Cheerleaders keep encouraging the team even to the last second. Do you have someone who claims to be a friend, yet constantly criticizes you and puts you down? Does he or she expose your weaknesses and highlight your mistakes to others? If yes, then you must re-examine the position you have given him or her in your life. This type of person is a Corruptor, not a true friend.  Cheerleaders cover your weaknesses, faults, and shortcomings.  They stand with you, and together you can face the worst and emerge victorious!  Cheerleaders pick you up when you are down.

CHEERLEADERS ARE COMMITTED TO YOU (1 Samuel 18:3)

True Cheerleaders commit to love, protect, and remain in relationships through thick or thin. It is easy to be committed when there is agreement and everything is going well.  But what about during hard times?  In fact, there is no such thing as commitment without hardship.  It is in the face of abandonment or betrayal that true commitment comes alive. Some of our friends may genuinely care for us but it doesn’t guarantee their commitment to us. A person can care for his friend when everything is ok.  However, a committed friend will be with you in good times and bad times. Being in agreement with us did not mean commitment.  Commitment is often tested after we depart the shores of agreement.  Commitment only comes alive in times of trial.  Commitment can only become a reality in times of difficulties. We cannot measure the commitment of our friends until the storm comes.

Proverbs 18:24 – “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.” (MSG)

Proverbs 18:24 – “The man of too many friends [chosen indiscriminately] will be broken in pieces and come to ruin, But there is a [true, loving] friend who [is reliable and] sticks closer than a brother (AMP).”  This version tells us that we can only have a handful of real friendships; that being intimately connected at a deep friendship level with many people would usually result in bad friendship. Friends will come and go for all sorts of reasons in life due to a variety of circumstances – career moves, change in family situations, difference of opinions or interests, just to name a few – but godly friendships aren’t supposed to be that way. There are friends who will stand by you through diverse struggles and challenges. These are the relationships that become stronger over time. Pray that God will bring to you true friends who will love you no matter what.

GROW:

APPLICATION QUESTIONS:

1. What is your main takeaway lesson on “Horizontal Relationships”?
2. Do you have at one point in your life, friends who are Corruptors? Describe your experience with them.
3. Who are your Cheerleaders? How did they contribute greatly to your life?
4. Honestly describe honestly yourself as a friend. Are you a cheerleader or a corruptor?