I woke up dreaming of home again and felt the gnawing emptiness of being away from family and friends. I was so moody that day; keeping my thoughts to myself and barely interested in the things needed to be done here.
That afternoon, my brother Jordan (whom I was staying with) invited me to go with him to visit a nearby town where he studied in. I was staying in Xiamen, a big city in China and I was curious about the nearest provincial town which was just 1 hour away by bus.
When I stepped off the bus, loud car horns greeted my ears, car fumes filled my nostrils, and rubbish discarded carelessly on the streets filled my sight. Jordan turned to me and grinned, “Welcome to Jimei!”
Because it is a provincial area, I imagined more greenery, cleaner surroundings and a more relaxing atmosphere. It turned out to be so different. Instead, I could barely find any plants gracing the area; cars were speeding through narrow streets, constantly honking their cars and leaving trails of suffocating car fumes; and people filled the streets, either walking quickly or loudly calling out to us to check out their wares.
I commented to Jordan, “So this is Jimei… If Dad sent me here to study Mandarin, no doubt about it, I would definitely go back home to the Philippines rather than stay here.”
He grinned. “Yeah, I think you were meant for Xiamen.”
At that moment, a picture of Xiamen’s streets surrounded by lush plants in vibrant colors filled my mind. I recalled the freshness of the air and the songs of birds amidst the sound of cars silently passing by. Then I looked around at the streets of Jimei, and nodded, “Yeah, I’m definitely called to Xiamen.”
(PICTURES taken in Xiamen University Campus)
On the way home, each of us was left to our own thoughts. It was evening. I gazed out the bus window, musing how nice it would be to be back home with you guys. I kept repeating to HIM how I missed being with you; how my heart kept gnawing with loneliness.
Then HE asked me, “In that case, would go rather go back to Cebu?”
That put a pause in my thoughts. What a question to ponder.
As much as I miss each of you terribly, I want to pursue my adventures here.
Faced with that direction of thoughts, I felt better. I began to praise HIM for my homesickness. I was reminded by what a close friend once explained to me, “Imagine your life to be a glass filled with water. For the Father to be able to refresh you, you have to be empty of contents. But for you to be empty, you have to bow low in humility before HIM. In the same way, in order for a glass to be emptied of its contents, it has to be tilted down.”
I think the great Author of Life has been using my homesickness to empty me so He can renew me. I realize, it doesn’t matter that Jordan is here (although it helps a lot). The One who can really fill the vacuum in my heart is my Life Source. Only He can truly satisfy.
Somehow…I pray that you are encouraged by this. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, HE is in control. And He is using whatever situation you’re in to mold you to become more conformed to His character, more attuned to His thoughts.
Sincerely,
-Me-